Short & Sweet Review
Cancerslug ruled at The Metro in SLC!
Setlist cut short to 45 min by the venue.
Attendance was very poor -- maybe 25 peeps by the stage.
Crowd was lame -- cept for a very few die-hards up front center.
Got my schwag + rare CS vinyl = Glad I went! \m/
Long & Brutal Review
I was so pumped up for Cancerslug to hit SLC, I networked the entire Horde throughout this pestilential withered up valley, figuring I could generate a solid turnout to a show that just smelled legendary, and who could fucking blame me really--it's CANCERSLUG, bitches. Well not only did every single last one of my friends blow me off--nobody showed up, every single one had some lame excuse, well guess what. They didn't miss out on shit because THE METRO is clearly the sorriest excuse for cancerslug venue that could possibly have been arranged. To all my die hard friends: you definitely saved yourselves fourteen bucks and a wasted 45 min set on account of the completely retarded ass wipe crowd who just stood there like mentally deficient zombies drooling onto their shoes. Fuck everyone who went to that show, you suck. I was ready for this. I wore my contacts cuz I can't afford my last pair of rickety glasses to get shattered. But if you were only there--you, too, would have taken pity on the small, stupefied crowd that gathered in front of cancerslug only to disrespect them entirely. They kicked off the set with a rousing rendition of Die On The Battlefield to some fist pumping from the crowd. More than once during the intro for the first few songs, Alex mentioned in his usual way "you can dance to it, you know what that is right, you move your body around, try it you might have some fun," and made some disparaging observations about what he only assumed to be a mormon crowd, so completely lifeless. Second song is my favorite off their latest, "Generation Behind." Me and a couple of others were the only ones who began dancing, right then. I thought to myself "surely someone will shove me and start the pit up," but it never came. If you're reading this you're probably wondering "well then why didn't you start the pits?" and all I have to say is, one look at these miserable fucksticks was enough to fill me with pity for them. Granted there were a couple of real fans front center headbanging and showing their support; but the rest of the crowd (maybe 25 people in all) were over the hill sad sacks in their denim jackets holding on to their lukewarm beers, or young kids too scared for having strayed that far from their local chapter's teats I guess, I don't know. I just didn't have the heart to shatter their forlorn world. Meanwhile, Alex is obviously getting disgustipated with the lack of slam dancing, and I knew then they weren't going to stick around much longer--and who the fuck could blame them? At one point, Wolfman made another deriding comment about where were the pitchers etc. Ironically enough, I was going to buy pitchers for any of my friends who showed up, but considering it was a Thursday night, I suppose I should cut them some slack for their excuses. Well fuck that. They missed out on a genuine cancerslug set, albeit aborted by the dumbfounded dipshits standing around like they've never been to a hardcore show before. And I can't stress enough that it's a good thing none of my die hard friends showed up, on account of what a fucking lame evening it turned out to be--or should I hold them accountable for not showing up-?- cuz if only six of them had done so, well we would have really had some real fun then--and awoken the primal beast inside cancerslug that was just waiting for shit to explode. The only thing that's crystal clear to me is this lame evening was absolutely not cancerslug's fault, who gave it their all only to be returned dead stares and the few obligatory shouts and fist pumps at the end of each song. Sure, it had something to do with it being a Thursday night, I get that, but fuck The Metro. *[Note: I found out after the show, from one of the real slug cult members, that the real reason their setlist got cut short, was The Metro schedules their dance DJ for 10:15--forcing cancerslug to leave by then. That's total and complete bullshit--only after the band packed their equipment away did kids start to dance to the DJ music. Pathetic on a level I can scarcely comprehend.] I'll never step foot in that gawdawful club again, I don't care who the fuck plays. Don't ever book yourselves at this lame ass disco wannabe sorry excuse for a sad clown pancake makeup crusty goth dance club. So yeah, cancerslug wrapped up their set but quick, clearly disgusted with the SLC crowd. I was fucking mortified and ashamed by it. A total embarrassment for Salt Lake. I actually went to the bar and bought a pitcher for the band after just a few songs--the bartender gave me 3 plastic cups to go with it--informing me that the guitarist didn't drink. So I purchase an additional pint of the amber beer for myself, and head over to the front of the stage, and place the full pitcher up there, with the glasses, so the band can clearly see I bought them the beer that Alex had derided us about. Turns out they never ended up drinking any of it. I didn't even get a chance to drink any of it--I was going to share with them, ya know--but to give them credit, they were exhausted from driving miles through the mountain, "pneumonia brought us to you" explained Dick Solid, and they were hell bent on driving the hell out of Dodge. The slug cult knows they're also referred to as "Dick Solid & the Ratchettes, now that we're not cancerslug," it's an in joke. I don't hold any of this lame Thursday night against them, I could see how pissed off Cassie (their awesome bass player) was. So I helped the band lug their equipment off the stage to facilitate their escape from this boring pit stop of jerkoffs. Then outside, Cassie showed me their merch, and I bought one of the few remaining die hard vinyls (dark green) of their very first LP on vinyl release seasons of sickness... They wanted $35 for it which really rubbed me the wrong way at first, but I relented on account of the fact I just wanted to help support the band, help them on their way across this desolate western landscape so they could hopefully have a better time in the next city (Idaho Falls). I intended to get two T-shirts because I was bound and determined to hook up my friend Vincent Daemon, who turned me on to this fucking killer punk band. Cassie did not seem happy with me at all, she just wanted to get the fuck out of that place and I don't blame her. I probably came off like a dick myself, because no matter what I said, it was met with turned heads or ignored altogether. The band was mostly super nice to me. Mike their drummer was really cool, and I got to hang with Alex Story out in the parking lot, he was really cool to me. Like I said I don't blame Cassie--I would've been fuming myself had I been in her place. Here's to hoping I catch up with cancerslug another time in another venue, so we can have some real fun together slam dancing as the Devil intended. Here's to you Cassie *raises beer* and everyone in the band. I apologized to every member of the band on account of the super lame crowd. When their set finally ended, cut short after maybe 45 minutes, in disgust, and the pathetic excuse of a crowd applauded as if they were at some tea party instead, I shouted out loud and clearly, "I APOLOGIZE ON ACCOUNT OF MY HOSE HEAD BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN SALT LAKE!" which probably came across all wrong cuz they ain't no siblings of mine. Even my best friends who were no shows, lucked out I guess. They would have wasted their time and money on account of the dead crowd literally aborting the cancerslug show. I had to empty my pockets at their van of all the cash I had left on me--$68--this after having bought the band a pitcher they never even got to drink. So I ended up with a patch and a shirt and the vinyl, which probably was supposed to end up being a total of $70--but they took my cash and just left. Can't blame 'em for wanting to just move on down the road to hopefully a better venue and crowd. It was an ugly experience befitting the spirit of wretched, rotten nihilism permeating the band. I had an ugly time with a small crowd of dead beats. I can't repeat enough that it wasn't the bands fault. Their set albeit cut short was stellar rock and roll fury. I'm so fucking stoked I decided to give em all my money to end up with this vinyl LP because it is fucking killer. I'm listening to it now--gotta flip it over to side 2 in fact, for some lessons in death. I had half a mind to let Alex carve the crescent moon crossed by a lightning bolt that signifies CS right between my shoulder blades with his knife, as a sort of penance, haha. I sure hope they fare better in Idaho Falls, because The Metro crowd was an embarrassment I'll never live down. And Vinnie: no, I didn't snap any pics, because my cellphone is a sorry piece of shit. Neither did I have em sign my vinyl, just meeting them was enough for me. I'm damn lucky to end up with this flagship die hard vinyl first edition for the band. A legendary underground cult item if there ever was one for this sick and jaded age. Nothing again will be alright for you and I are on this road to hell relax and let it burn. Your fear and pain now are setting like the sun. Fuck all of you, I'm done.